Some Words About a New Year

posted on: January 9, 2014

I'm pretty sure I just had a breakthrough. After a long day of of work and a long early evening nursing a monster cold (aka watching The Bachelor), I was catching up on social media. As I am always apt to do, I snuggled up and settled down into Instagram. I scrolled into my friends' pasts. I saw their Christmases. I saw their vacations. Their turkeys. Their children. Their windows. Their vases. Their kisses. Their families. Their joy.

I saw their longer, summer hair.

Now, I am a comparer and competer like all of you, and sometimes that Instagram app does me in. There is so much I want to be, and so much that they are, and so much I am not. But tonight--oh, tonight, I saw the joy. Which is what I think I'm supposed to be looking for in the first place.

Life is sometimes too beautiful for me. I fear I miss it all.

And so, though I am not a resolver, meaning I do not really make resolutions, as in NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS, I do aim to write a little bit more this year. I don't know how or where I will do it (and don't I resolve to do this every year?). Because in doing what I love every day, it has become everyday. But writing is life. Creating is living. It is feeling. And I want that in January, so much.

I want to remember conversing with my coworkers about food cities. I want to remember Santa Monica--the perfect breeze. I want to remember Skype and my brother and forgotten gifts. I want to remember my friend and her mother and the cancer and not knowing how to say how much I care. I want to remember the moment I found blurry, wordy old files and felt so proud of my 2011 self. I want to remember a friend's new blog, and all of her inspiring thoughts. I want to remember.

I should write this all down, shouldn't I?

In any case, in trying to record this fleeting thought, in trying to nail down the buzz of gratitude, I had to search for this little dying laptop--only to find it in a spare room. Left there to recharge at an open outlet because the three in my own room are full. Full of Christmas lights, and humidifiers, and Ikea lamps, and cell phones flickering on my lap.

Full of light in here.

Full and light. 

5 thought{s}:

  1. Beautiful, as always. I'm right there with you.

  2. happy new year, beautiful friend.

  3. Found your blog through Kate's, hi! This is really lovely. I am so up and down with writing things down, but when I do, I rarely regret it, you know. I love what you said, that writing and creating is feeling. It's true! Thanks for sharing.

  4. i am so happy i found your blog! you are so adorable.


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