A familiar expression these days: my lips will screw as I press my cheeks into my teeth. My eyebrows crunch down on top of my eyes.
Last week, my sister told me that I cry for everything, and it might be true lately. My eyes are watering all of the time--for children, their teachers, and their parents. For a town that is small and crushed. For a place and a world that somehow allowed for all of this--and why is it happening over and over?
It seems that sadness is everywhere (like Mandy said). Connecticut is making me sad. The terrible commotion about pants is making me sad. The cold, of people and of the season makes me so worried this year. The sadness feels like it's around every corner and behind each door and just under everybody's skin.
Sometimes I think that my heart will break a thousand times before it stops beating.
And I know that we're in charge of our own happiness. I really do believe that. But I'm hoping this year that Christmas and the new year will somehow make everything okay. Maybe the last remnants of lit homes and dusted trees and indulgent feasts and the exchange of gifts, and of love, maybe it will help with the sadness.
Here's to hoping.
Here's to hope.
See you in 2013, kids. Hope your holidays are really, really wonderful. Merry and bright, as they say.