A renaissance woman

posted on: July 28, 2011

School ended quietly, and I fell into the familiar summerly pattern of working days and outside nights. I forgot that August would bring a flat-topped cap and tassels hanging in my graduated face. And when I remembered, it all felt so dim and gaunt.   

I'm a student. I don't know if I've ever really said that--

I have written a lot about my university experience, about how it has been the very thing that filled the gaping hell it erected. I've written of professors and classmates and the things I've learned and built, but I've never really told you how much of a student I am. I love school. I am a student. Learning is what I'm good at. Being curious is my skill. Creating is what I want. Sitting in classes with brilliant minds and kindred spirits, talking about art and literature and performance and humans, writing about the things I really care about--it's the best thing I have ever heard of. If they'd let me, I would have triple-majored, or quadruple. I could have been a psychologist, a neuroscientist, a chef, a graphic designer, a museum loiterer. I would have spent decades here, learning about the things of the world, of other worlds, of self.

So the end of my student-hood (at least for now), well, it has seemed deathly to me. So dim, and like I said, gaunt. We students need swirling poetries and colors to paint our eyes wide. We need discoveries (to us) and beliefs. We need rebirth.

And so, I can't tell you what I will be when I grow up. There are too many options. I have so many interests and inclinations, and I hate to toot my own horn, but so many talents too (toot, toot). I'm not sure how to put all of my self to good use yet. But I will do a lot of things. I will write, teach, paint, travel, read, dance, love, testify. I plan to study all of the things I want to study, with or without awarded degrees.

I will recreate myself over and over, reteach the things I love, remake previous catastrophes, revive my mind.

I will resurrect dedication and occasional frenzy.
I am a renaissance woman.

11 thought{s}:

  1. Huzzah! Huzzah for the renaissance woman. Chills.

  2. Beautifully expressed. This was an assertion that speaks to my soul, I tell you. Such a liberating testament to the perpetual student. LOVE.

  3. I know how you feel. I could have studied so many things and been happy. Medicine, photography, culinary arts. It's a pity that we have to face the real world at the end of college because I agree. I could have stayed forever, just like you.

  4. i'm so excited for you lady! can't get over it

  5. Oh, this is beautiful. And it resonates so clearly for me.

    Good luck with everything!

  6. I know exactly what you mean. I've just graduated as well and I can't seem to let go of being a student! Well, I've decided to do post-grad, so I've got another 2 years at least!

    Belly B :)

  7. I really loved this post, and I'm with you 100%. I, too, am a lifelong student, and when I graduated, I entered the workforce, thinking I'd go back to school eventually. Fast forward a couple of years, and I began graduate school, thrilled I would finally be able to be a student again. Turns out, I hadn't even realized that you don't need a school or a university to be a student. I think it's something buried inside of us, us learners and askers of questions. And while I still think I might go back to graduate school one day, for now I've decided that I like being a student in the world, free to explore any subject I see fit. Best wishes as you embark on a similar journey. It's actually pretty wonderful.

  8. I love this Brit.

    And you will do so many exciting things with your life.

  9. it is always such a pleasure to read you - you write really beautifully, and express yourself with clarity and elegance.

    congratulation for your graduation! i am sure you will keep being a student, as all students do (i recognise myself as one of your breed - students unite!)

    x MAUD

  10. I loved school, too. When I graduated, I felt a little lost... after all, we're conditioned to gain an education and keep on going for 17+ years... it's weird! But I've realized you can keep on learning and gleaning from good people outside of a university. Seems like you've already realized that! Good luck with whatever you choose to do. There are so many possibilities--I'm excited for you!

  11. Too many options, indeed. I'm exactly the same way - a student by every definition. Let's keep on keeping on, learning and recreating ourselves.


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