One Year Older...

posted on: May 17, 2008

It is my birthday. The day I was born 19 years ago. And instead of anticipating gifts or even the much too early breakfast I will be whisked off to, I am nostalgic. Because for the first time, I look at my short 19 years and I feel old. By no means do I measure up to my grandmother's gentleness, my grandfather's humor, my father's intelligence, and my mother's wisdom, but I feel experienced. My charmed life has sometimes offered dissapoinment, grief, confusion, and loneliness. But I now embrace it. I love that the good and the bad have made me into this too-outspoken, too-passionate, too-eager 19-year old I see reflected in the computer screen. I can be proud of my accomplishments, because there were many. And they were great. And I can worry about what I will become, because I don't know yet. But I will be great. That's the best part. I will look at this on my 29th, 39th, and 99th birthday and laugh at my young, assuming self. Because I really don't know what I think I do. I haven't seen the most elated happiness and I haven't experienced rock bottom. And I can't wait. Because I get to keep creating myself, giving myself the gifts of accomplishment, failure, and life. Happy Birthday to me.

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